"Ragnarok": A Clueless Thor, a Gay Loki, and a Lot of Beefcake

 Paradise City: "A highly controversial rock band with ties to the occult returns from a secret to find that the lead singer has a haunting secret arriving on his doorstep."  Other than the overuse of adjectives, this doesn't sound band.  And it's set in West Hollywood, a well-known gay mecca, so there's bound to be some gay representation.

Scene 1: West Hollywood, but Sunset Boulevard.  Whoops, once you get above the hill to Sunset you hit the aggressively straight, homophobic neighborhood.  But we'll see.   

The Relentless, a rock group, is on the street, being hounded by reporters and female groupies: "Sign my tits!  Sign my stomach!"  Lily yells at the "Hollywood cockroaches," but Leo (Ben Bruce, left) is happy to sign autographs.  

My God, that is some hideous tattooing!

Scene 2: The news story: The group hit it big with their debut album, which went multiple-platium.  Basically everyone on Earth bought three copies.  But they've on hiatus for 15 months.  Their leader, Johnny Faust (uh-oh, a pact with the Devil) went on trial for the bizarre murder of their agent, but was acquitted, and has been in seclusion ever since.  

That's a lot of intel.  Why not tell that story instead?

Scene 3: Johnny (Andy Biersack) at his rooftop swimming pool in the Hollywood Hills (shirtless, but horribly ugly, and coveredc with disgusting tattoos).  Gretchen plays the cello in the dark.  Then she says "I'ts time to get back out there.  You owe it to your 6 billion fans (everyone on Earth except for some newborn babies)" .  You owe it to your fans.  They hug and kiss.  I'm beginning to think that this is a gay-free West Hollywood.

Scene 4: Elias, an old guy with long white hair and a white beard, awakens in his living room plastered with record albums.  He gets upsetting news from Adam (Rhys Coiro, below), calling from a fertility clinic, who conferences in with Maya, calling from a restaurant.  

They're all shocked.  This can't be happening!  This is the worst possible news of all time! Our lives have all been destroyed forever! 

After all that buildup, I'm expecting a zombie Apocalypse.  But no, the world-shattering news: all the big arenas are booked, so we'll have to do the concert at a smaller venue, like Whiskey A-Go-Go.  

When they hang up, Adam's wife or girlfriend yells at him for working during a fertility appointment, but he doesn't listen and keeps calling: "Dylan is in London!  Get him here, immediately!  This is the worst disaster in world history!"

Scene 5: Establishing shot of Big Ben.  I'm guessing we're in London?  Radio DJ Ralphie calls a hotel room, where a heavily tattooed guy is in bed with two naked women.  Johnny?  No, Dylan (James Cassells).  God help us, is everybody covered with disgusting tattoos?

Meanwhile, back in L.A., a man and a woman are jogging in what looks like Griffith Park.  Oh, neck tattooes -- it's Johnny and his girlfriend Gretchen, still harping on getting back on stage.  Wait -- if he hasn't decided to go back on stage yet, why is everyone having end-of-the-universe panic over the size of the venue?  

Scene 6: Elias at work at...I can't read the record label. Akko?  Akkadian?  He's yelling at people: "This is the worst crisis of all time!  Fix it!"  His assistants have booked the Roxy, which is already sold out (after about an hour?).  

Rolling Stone, Spin, etc., etc. are busily planning entire issues to cover the show.  No, make that two or three issues?  No, Johnny's concert is the most important event in world history!  It's Second Coming of Christ squared!  Let's devote a whole year of issues to it!  

Scene 7:  I'm pretty sure that there will be no gay representation at all, but everything is so incredibly overblown, exaggerated, and over-the-top that I can't look away.  Adam and his wife in towels at an acupuncture clinic to work on their fertility problem (hey, a nice physique without tattooes, for a change!).  

He gets a phone call and rushes out.  It's Ralphie in London with a major disaster: he screwed up the flight reservations, so Dylan won't arrive in time for the concert!  The biggest event in world history won't have a drummer!

"Get him here!" Adam snarls.  "Whatever you have to do, do it!" This is the most important night of his life, and your life, and...well, the lives of everyone on Earth!  He suggests a bomb threat. 

Scene 8: Band members Leo, Lily, and Amanda are trying on costumes for the comeback concert and discussing how long it's been since they performed.   They're so broke they can't even pay their rehab center bill.  Idea: fans will buy anything, so maybe Leo could put a sock on his cock and sell it on Ebay.  Lily and Amanda are a couple -- ok, so there are some lesbians in this.

Scene 9:  Ralphie in London making the bomb threat phone call.  The pay phone is on a highway overpass, so no one can understand him.

Scene 10: Hit Parade Studios, Hollywood. Johnnie and Gretchen kissing.  She tells him: "Don't tell the fans.  It is all in the past."   Meanwhile, Lily, Leo, Vic, and another guy are watching tv: "We've interviewed presidents and popes on this program, but today's guest is much, much bigger!  Johnnie Faust!"  The studio audience goes wild.

Host: "Johnnie, how does it feel to be the most famous person...sorry, I mean god..in world history?"

Johnnie: "I think I was happier before I became famous.  It's a lot of pressure.  Fortunately, I have my True Love by my side. 

Host: What about the claims that your amazing fame is due to a deal with the Devil?"

Johnnie: "It's not true."

Meanwhile, Simon (Cameron Boyce), who we've never seen before, is talking to Natalie, who looks old enough to be his mother" Do you believe in that Satanism stuff?"

Natalie: "Of course. Many rock songs were inspired by the Devil.  All of Led Zeppelin's songs, for instance."

Simon: You're so cool!  Pass me that joint!

Meanwhile Faith, who we've never seen before, is watching the interview in her bedroom, with a baby in her arms and a gigantic cross next to her.

Interviewer: Why did you stop touring?

Johnnie: We were in in Vegas, and this 18-year old girl and her mom wanted to have sex, so Dylan and I did. The mom's husband found out, and killed himself. I never saw the girl again.

Faith's roommate or girlfriend comes into the bedroom and says "We're out of money.  We have to do something."  Why not ask Johnnie?

Scene 11: At the record company, Eliot, whose name is now Oliver, checks the reviews of last night's interview, which of course had the biggest viewership in network history, like a triple Superbowl.  

Meanwhile, in Virginia, Simon watches Eliot/Oliver being interviewed on tv.  When Natalie comes in, he wants to know how much "he" offered her to get the abortion.  More obfuscation for its own sake.  Who is he, Johnnie?  "Half a million dollars, or else an album and a world tour.  But I said no.  I had you instead."  Ok, it can't be Johnnie.  Simon is a teenager. Eliot/Oliver?

Scene 12: Faith shows up in L.A.  So this is the haunting secret?  Johnnie has a child?  Big deal!

Beefcake: No.  Some shirtless shots, but spoiled by tattoos.

Other sights: Almost all interiors.  I don't recognize West Hollywood.

Hype: A ridiculous amount.

Obfuscation for its own sake:  I feel like I'm watching Lost.

Gay Characters: I don't think so.

Heterosexism: Johnnie has found True Love.

source http://everydayheterosexism.blogspot.com/2021/04/paradise-city-come-back-event-of.html