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"Donkey Punch": Movie For Heterosexuals Only Delivers a Few Punches


When Donkey Punch appeared on my Amazon Prime list, I assumed that it referred to a boxing move -- punch like a donkey kick, render your opponent unconscious.  It's about seven "young adults" on a boat, with drugs, sex, and murder.

The reviews:
1. "I can see why girls are attracted to men like Bluey."  No girls are attracted to him?
2.  "An ugly movie, full of attractive girls who don't take their clothes off enough.  Much more male nudity!  Gross!"  Male nudity is by definition ugly!
3. "Nice to see a lot of British sausage dangling, the girls get all the exposure."  So there's male nudity for the girls, and nothing for the boys.  What about gay boys?

I love going undercover in places where gay people are assumed not to exist.  it's like being a secret agent.  So I'm in.


Scene 1:
  Three British girls in a hotel room, shaving their underarms and putting on bikinis. One has just dumped her boyfriend, so they're off to celebrate with a "wicked girly weekend." 

Nice establishing shots of a tropical resort.  They go bar hopping.  Shots of them smoking, drinking, and kissing guys.  Eventually they meet three posh boys -- Marcus (Jay Taylor), Bluey (Tom Burke), and Josh (Julien Morris) -- who invite them to the beach, and then to their yacht.  Actually, they're the crew, but the owner's away, so....

Scene 2: Walking across the beach and then to the docks.  Tammi overhears the boys: "Relax, it's all going according to plans."  Uh-oh, this is not an ordinary hookup!  Something sinister is afoot! She tries to talk her friends out of going onto the yacht, but they dismiss her: "Don't be mardy.  It's just one drink."

Uh-oh, there's a fourth guy, Sean (Robert Boulter).  Tammi has even more misgivings, but she lets her friends drag her aboard.


Marcus gives them a tour of the boat -- huge master bedroom ("bigger than my flat"), guest room, crew quarters, lounge, galley, engine room -- while the others discuss who gets whom: Kim - Bluey, Lisa - Marcus, Tammi -- uh-oh, competition!

Dancing, drinking, "Well, it's been fun, but we've got to be going."  Some of the guys want to continue partying on the high seas, even though they could get canned for taking the boat without permission. 

A lot of technical stuff about launching a boat.  Rather educational.

Scene 3:  Three boy-girl couples on deck in the glittering ocean.  Bluey provides an unspecified drug ("it's the schiznitz, babe"). Tammi and her boy resist, but finally agree to take half a pill each.

They anchor.  The guys take off their shirts (brief glimpses of chest), the girls strip down to their bikinis, and they all jump into the ocean for frolicking. Meanwhile Bluey tells the story of a mate who got "tarmacked": a girl he was screwing was into...um...coprophilia.  Hardly the story you would tell to get girls interested in sex with you, dude!

This leads to a conversation about unusual sexual acts, like slapping your dick against the girl's face ("or the boy's"  -- hey, they know that gay people exist!).

Scene 4: Close-up of the girls in bikinis as they dance by themselves, while the boys watch.  More drugs -- "Russian ice."  Then two pairs go down to the master bedroom for sex (bikini-clad girls, fully clothed boys).  Another boy lies on the couch, dazed from the drugs.  Bluey photographs the girls making out with each other. Some boys' butts.


Scene 5:
  Up on deck, Tammi and her boy (bikini-clad and shirtless) talking about their previous relationships.  They start kissing.  Meanwhile, down below, Kim, Lisa, and their boys kiss (boobs and shirtless).  Sex ensues.  Halfway through, Bluey invites Sean into his sex with Lisa -- a three way?  No, he steps aside so Sean can have sex with her.   Geez, this is "girls don't take off their clothes enough?  They're half naked most of the time.  And where are the boys'. dangly bits?  

Full frontal nudity (of the girls).  This is rated R?  Looks like an X to me, except no dangly bits.

Just as he's getting ready to finish, Sean hits Lisa hard on the neck.  She collapses. Finally, some penises at minute 34, as Sean rushes away.  He fetches Josh and Tammi.  Lisa is dead!  She must have overdosed!

"Don't call the Coast Guard.  We'll go back to the dock, and call someone there."

Scene 6:  The guys discuss: "She didn't overdose.  You donkey punched her and broke her neck!"  "But...I thought that was what you're supposed to do...you told me to do it!"  "We're all going down for this."

The girls discuss: "It weren't no accident.  I saw Bluey and Sean acting weird." They try to call the police, but no signal.  And the boat has turned around.  Gulp!

The guys discuss:  "We have to dump the body at sea and say she fell overboard." "What about the girls?  They'll never go for that idea."  "Girls?  Are you gay?  Who cares what they think?"

Ok, homophobic, and I'm not sure why it's wrong to worry about the girls talking.

You can probably guess what happens next.  Backstabbing (literal and figurative), betrayal, in-fighting, murder, and the girl who didn't have sex survives. 


Beefcake:
Not nearly enough.  Some chest shots, some penises, completely overwhelmed by the incessant girls in bikinis and full-frontal female nudity. 

Other Sights: Some very nice shots of the Mediterranean resort town.

Heterosexism: It's all about the sex.  I find it hard to believe that Josh has never had sex before, or that he actually thinks you're supposed to hit your partner in the neck.  

Gay Characters:  There were a few references to gay people, as when Bluey jokes that he was kicked out of public school (private school in America) for being straight, and a couple of homophobic jibes.

Porn:  Only one sex scene -- a long one, but still, a porn movie should have a lot more sex, and a mainstream movie a lot less.

My Grade: I can't really grade a movie obviously and definitely meant for  heterosexuals only, but it did seem rather cliched.


source http://everydayheterosexism.blogspot.com/2021/06/donkey-punch-movie-for-heterosexuals.html

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